i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
