Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
