My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
