I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
