I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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