Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
