He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
