I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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