She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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