i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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