i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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