Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
