I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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