You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
