so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
