How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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