Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Farmville is her only friend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
