FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
