No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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