Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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