Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
