problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize