I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
