Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
