I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
