I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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