What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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