Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Actions speak louder than pants.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They have beer where we have blood.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
