If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
