I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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