i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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