I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
