i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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