1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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