Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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