What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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