I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
