I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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