im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
