Your face is a jimmy john
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
