:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
