If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
