i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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