Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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