I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
