Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
