too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
