you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
