Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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