he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
