Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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