I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
