Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
