Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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