You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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