Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
