Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
