Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize