Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm bleeding and have questions
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
