The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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