The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
