how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
