I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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