Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
