Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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