i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
barbara walters just said penis...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
