u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
