omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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