I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
