Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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