Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
