I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
