going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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