So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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