I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
