So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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