I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
