I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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