What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
