Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
