we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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