Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
