What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
