around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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