Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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