I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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