HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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