The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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