How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
