im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
