Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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