She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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